The New Civil Rights Movement

Charles Blow, New York Times Columnist, at Brown University September 17, 2015

Yesterday evening I had the pleasure of hearing Charles Blow, writer for the New York Times, speak at Brown University on what he called “The New Civil Rights Movement”. This was such an interesting lecture because there was so much to cover in such a short amount of time. It was apparent that Mr. Blow knew that every person had a topic on the forefront of their minds and he wanted to touch on them them all.

When Mr. Blow began, however, he started with a topic that I do not think any of us suspected. He announced that yesterday, September the 18, 2015, was the 60th anniversary of Emmett Till's murder. He then began to explain the conditions of the time, the “reasons” for his attack, and the emotions and thoughts his mother must had experienced to have an open casket funeral for the world to experience. This set the tone for the speech, but also for the condition of the world as Mr. Blow has experienced as a writer. Blow went on to explain that Emmett Till's murder was the spark that ignited the Civil Rights Movement. Rose Parks was at a meeting discussing Emmett Till and violence towards the black community the day before she, supported by the NAACP, decided to stand her ground on bus segregation. He went on to quote Rose Parks saying many have stated that she was tired and did not want to give up her seat, and though that was true, she was not physically tired; she was mentally tired of the condition of her reality as a black person in America.

Blow goes on to suggest that the murders that have happened lately, like the murder of Micheal Brown, sparked the same feelings in the current generation. my generation. Blow continues with that fact that black Americans, and all people color in our nation, are fed up with the condition of their reality and want to see a change. Blow also noted that the response, and violence, that has been led by the various Police Departments is not helping or defusing the issues in most situations. Adding, one point that seems obvious, but might be over looked, that so many of these problems that have ignited “The New Civil Rights Movement” have been set off in the North. Blow then stated that “The North needs to learn how to deal with their racism”. Many of the places where problems are arising are places where diversity has been welcomed, but not present until recent years. Now that diversity has shown it's impact on their communities, they are afraid and reacting, not communicating, and, in many cases, not thinking through their actions.

Mr. Blow did talk about solutions. His main solution was simple and , to many, self explanatory. When he was asked by a student how can we get involved in [the Black Lives Matters'] movement that is “leaderless”, he responded with education. Blow went on to explain that we have the most influence on the people in our sphere of life. That when people are talking about local events, facts, and issues and are incorrect, we need to correct them; they need to be our focus. He also pointed out that in order to change the future we, as a nation, need not to be historically illiterate. We need to know our history. He ended on a a quote that has been accredited to Zora Neale Hurston, “If you are silent about your pain, they will kill you and say that you enjoyed it.”

Counter- Cultural my a**

You know what?

Back when I started this blog I had no idea what it meant to be a stranger. No idea.

As I grow up , I wonder if I am actually alien. If God actually put me in a world of strangers because he though it would be a funny experiment.

I have come to an awkward position in my life where I don't belong in any group that I once thought I belonged in.... I hate church, it makes me angry, I don't like being in school and students...God help, My family are a bunch of strangers, and everyone else....seems numb.

When I do find people like me, we all feel the same way. Lost, alone, and tired....mainly under-stimulated by this world and the options of intimacy, of dept of conversation, of common decency.

Christians are supposed to be counter-cultural, but to me most Christians fit right it. They (in American at least) strive for the house, kids, white fence lifestyle just like everyone else. Job, money and cars...

What about relationships?

What about education?

What about spiritualness?

Why don't we talk about these concepts more often? What happen to community and purpose? It has been transformed into money, cars, and sadly, yes with Christians...sex.

I can't tell you the last "Christian" guy I went on a date with who would not want to soon partake in sexual intimacy....Actually I can- NONE. None of them saw that it was important or necessary to know my heart, to seek God's heart, to understand how I think, to know if I had an STD....

What is really going on?

Who is really going to care to change the conversation in church? Who is going to stop and analyze that our methods are not working?

These people who so are few far and between. They are tired, discouraged, and fed-up.

Rightfully so when we see "our" pastors on TV on reality shows with houses as big as convention centers and there are people IN THEIR CHURCHES who don't know what they are going to eat...can't get shoes for their kids and family.

And this is considered kingdom building? This is suppose to reach the people and lead them to something counter-cultural?

In what world?

******

I think that God is mad at you..
Don't be mad at me I'm just the messenger He used.

He wants me to tell you to know He's here for you
And he doesn't like the methods you use..
To hide, to leave, to ignore His call
He wants you to know He have plans for you,
A call.

He says, listen up, you humans all fall,
But I have something much greater for you in store.
Come take my hand
Listen to my voice,
Once again I beg you to come close.

Take heed to my words,
There is work to be done
And you, Sir, are just prefect for what I need done.

-Me
(Chaarity Williams)

Free to Love

As much as I want to move on
I feel postponed,
Like my love for you has chained me to the wall
But Love is not a chain
Its a song, that sets you free
Free to dance,
Free to take a chance,
Free to open your eyes and see everything at a new glance.

Maybe I need to rethink this love.
Maybe I need to rethink all the memories hidden between the lines above.
Then on bended knee return to the love that did set me free.
Free to love you without hate or animosity,
Love so free it took nothing from me.
But gave me everything I never could be
To be the one I am created to be.

Hopefully my light will shine through,
So you can be the man in you that is true.
So you can be free to dance, chance and glance,
On the one true love that never fades but expands...

Have you ever been so angry you forget to breathe????????? I have, just was, so I am going to encourage myself and hopefully some1 else who needs it... "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." James 1:19-20 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Cor 13.4-5 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. " 1John4:8 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Phil 3:3 Following Christ is not easy,loving people is even harder, forgivenss seems almost impossible but through Christ all is possible. (Luke1:37) When you ask for the Lord to bring you closer to Him know it comes with a cost- but profit is worth so much more than the investment.

Caring is Sharing

So... Its been awhile since I have written anything... I didnt think anyone paid attention to this, though the this new blog home page... I'm actually wrong about that AND I got a text message from a new friend that stated, " I disagree with your Worldviiew" my first thought was... join the club, I'm a Christian...lol(not just a Christian but a Christ Follower).Then he mentioned my blog and said he didnt think that people dont care about one another... Strangely enough, I was having that same conversation in my head before he wrote me and I was just trying to get over that fact that its true; people do not care about other people. BUT in order for this conversation to work...we have to define caring. As stated before, I am a Christian, so I am going to with a more Biblical out look for things. Jesus(God) is love and love involves caring... and He only wants the best for us. So that is the kind of caring I am talking about. If you meet Jesus on the street you would walk away from that conversation thinking..."Man, that guy really saw me for who I was... and was genuinely concerned about my life, well being and creating a relationship with me." Right? Okay. Now I am going to introduce you to the happenings of the night: I was suppose to hang out with a new group of friends.We were going to a Frat party...yeah not really my hang out, BUT I wanted to spend sometime with the girl that wanted to go- so I agreed. Beatrice, all names have been changed to protect the loved ones involved, decided that she didnt want to go unless another one of our friends went. Well, he,we are going to call him Benny, was really sick and I knew he probably wasn't going to come.... Now that I write this I wonder if she knew he wasn't going to come from the very beginning but we will say no and give her the benefit of the doubt. So Another guy, we will call Benny2, was already on board and we were just waiting to hear word from Beatrice and Benny. Well no word came and I'm not surprised. So.. I text Benny2... Yo Benny2, I think that our plans are going to be cancelled (explaining above) and he was oooh okay. I was in the mood for a movie and I usually go alone but since him and I had "plans" I invited him a long. He responds "sure, why not?" And I was like... " You should have said,'with you, yea!'" just joking around. Then he says...Well, Beatrice is already here, so can we come? I wanted to be like "Hellz to the No"(excuse my language-thats just how I felt) but I didnt. I just said sure, but nothing scary. We then began to construct new plans for the night. Then Benny2 randomly mentions to me they are going to eat if I wanted to come... and I was already out with my mother so declined, but asked where they were going. He told me and informed me they were about to walk in and he would text me later if they can still go to the movies. I gladly responded,"No thanks". SO... what happened here was, I made plans with friends and they changed them without even telling me. Then when I call to let them know I was changing mine and make new ones with them and they agreed to them-in which THEY WERE ALREADY MAKING OTHER PLANS and the likely hood of them coming to a movie with me was very, very small.( I prefer rejection over lies- I'm, pretty sure everyone does. Think back to the last time you told someone a lie...you were probably avoiding rejecting them....) I know what you are thinking- this is one, isolated event. I can't make up my mind about all people over this and you would be correct. However, if you know me, you know I have a wide and diverse group of associates. Most of them are just like this- putting themselves before others (whether I am the victim or watching them) Actually, I wouldn't even go as far to say that people DON"T care... people don't know how to care. Whose fault is that?.... I blame society for a lot of things the people should take personal responsibility for, but I don't think that people realize the influence it really has on us. I believe that people are my calling. God has given me a great ability to love people, genuinely- I don't think I was named Chaarity by accident. Yes, it's tiring and Yes, it is a struggle... I have been to many funerals and I have read stories on people who have passed. The only way we will be remembered is through the thoughts of other people. What are they going to say about you? She always had the nicest clothes....She was smart but always kept to herself....When ever I needed her I could never get her BUT when she needed something she was my best friend. Through all of this, I will never give up on people. I do meet people who I can walk away from and feel like they really saw me, not my dreads, my dark skin or not my glasses, but me. Those people remind me how much God loves me and if I can show that to one other person, then I will continue through the tiredness and the struggle because Your worth it.

World Citizens

My fellow citizens:

Why is it that we dont care enough about ourselves to educate ourselves about our country? Our government? The decisions that are made everyday with our money and through our authorities?

Okay- So you hate Obama? Welcome to the President hating club, EVERY SINGLE ONE WE HAVE HAD HAS HAD ONE...well Maybe not Washington. However, I just believe that's because people were still testing the waters with this "freedom" idea. If he were here today, most of America- educated or otherwise would probably strongly dislike him. Knowing our present generations it would probably be because of his wooden teeth. I mean, one of the man reason why Nixon didn't win against JFK was because he wasn't as good looking on TV....


Another Dislike

Lack of common care for our fellow man. As I walked around campus one day with my friend and I was hit by 2 or so umbrellas. None of which even looked back after or AT me when it happen. They saw me, but it just didn't matter. Sure this seems like a small crime, but this mind set is what makes it funny for teenagers to kill homeless people. Or for guys to rape a girl after she has had too many. Or what makes a Pimp someone else's problem.

At this rate, we are all going to watch each other be killed and not even think twice about it....

Women use men- Men use women in relationships that are suppose to bring happiness and joy that has been proven cant be found in any other place. BUT still, instead of caring for people and living a more fulfilling life- we would rather hurt people to make ourselves feel "better" and keep ourselves from getting hurt.

(I know then we get into the argument, What is a Filling life? Is it relative? If we didnt need one another, then our existence wouldn't be so dependent one another.)

Reality, no one wins. You still feel like crap and that person feels even worse. Keep moving though... to your next victim and dont look back. It shows weakness.

WAKE UP PEOPLE- this universe had a beginning and it is going to come to an end. Even if there is nothing waiting on the other side at least on this side I lived for something bigger than myself- A Community.

What is love?

All you need is love... everyone knows that lovely Counter Culturally aged tune by a band that I have grown to "love" over my years here on this Earth, The Beatles. Question is, what is love?. Many people have a definition of what they think it is.. but the truth is, some of them are wrong.

As we learned in elementary school that kids, mostly the girls, are very mean and 2 plus 2 equals 4. There is a right and wrong answer to that question. Relativity and moral stand point has nothing to do with that- as it doesn't in many other subjects that people would disagree on, but that is not where this post is heading.

Fact is there is a right and a wrong.

So what is the right and the wrong definition of love. Yes, yes, there are more than one ways to love a person. Some people prefer to see love a certain way. But the definition of art and what art looks like are two very different things.

So often I hear people say that Christians don't really know what love is. And I have heard that Christians know love better than other religions like Muslim... (which are are relative statements)... Some say to get to real love you have to drop religion all together, which in some form I think is correct.

But tell me, what is love?

Before we come with way to do it effectively or get the nerve to tell someone that they don't do it right or enough. Tell me what is first... Please.

Good Apples

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

Do not Stand on My Grace and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

Mary Elizabeth Frye

Make a difference- What will you leave behind?
http://mycharitywater.org/chaaritywilliams20

Glass of Water Anyone?

There are so many things that our culture takes for granted. I know, that is a tag line that is used so much it has definitely lost its meaning.

I am the type of person that takes other people’s problems and where them as a sweater. Then when my own problems seem to pile up sometimes the only think I know to do is shower. That is my release moment. I tell myself the same words that were used to soothe May in the Secret Life of Bees, “Just let the problems roll off your back like the water.” It helps and every time I find myself praying for the people who don’t have the opportunity to detox and recenter.

A couple of years ago I found out that there are some people in the world that are so dehydrated they can’t even cry. Most people in our culture see crying as a weakness, as something you would never want anyone to ever see you doing- and in other countries crying is right. One that is gained through the simple right of water and even taken away by a rank, a rank that will kill you for even trying to show emotion.

Charity : Water has given us a chance to give a basic right to those who need it by giving away your birthday. This year I am giving away my 20th birthday (and what would be Elvis’ 76 birthday) for this cause! If every single one of my friends gives a dollar, I will surpass my goal or $1000.

Give what you can – 1, 10, 20: every penny will count!
Make Me (and Elvis) proud!
Click Here

Your a firework and I mean it

Now,if you know me, you know that I strongly dislike singers who make it famous and cannot really sing. I loved Katy Perry from "I kissed a Girl"...lol, but then I saw her live....Scary.

This song however is awesome... of course I don't agree with everything displayed in the video. But You are a firework. God made you that way.

There is this guy that I am very fond of and I think of him every time I hear this song. I really see God in him- he is driven, smart and Christ centered.Everyone who meets him loves him and respects him. If there was one thing I could tell him that he would remember from me for the rest of his life is "You are a firework".

Tell someone they are a firework AND mean it.

Yea, So what?

Have you ever been out in public and a tampon falls out of your purse? Then ppl start looking at you like your an alien- Well guess what, Im a girl and due to the situation you might want to watch the way you looking at me before I stanch those eye balls right out of your head...lol

Mr. Dracy Reassurance

I am the type of girl that is very skeptical about love and trust me the Holidays help with that... Its not really something that I have had much luck in…. AT ALL.

My first love was…um. Not a smart choice. I would not even call it love as much as puppy love. I was way too young and I thought he was everything I wanted and more…. WRONG! I didn’t even know what I wanted me to be, forget what I wanted- some nappy headed boy and yes his hair was nappy…lol

Second, the Red Head. Really that’s all that needs to be said about him. We were separated by sex and racism before we could really get started, but I believe there was genuine love there. There was on my side.

Since the wonderful choices before I grew distant to the idea of love and after watching enough black and white movies, I really grew sick of it.

Then one day, in possibly the worst outfit that I have ever worn, I walked in a room and set my eyes on the most beautiful man I have ever seen in the front of the room. I was stopped in my tracks, I could not move from the place I was standing. When the meeting was over I was introduced to him and shortly after I left…it really was the worst outfit ever! Ha

I have seen the movies where there is a couple that is very obvious from the start. When the guy looks at the women she feels like she is the only person in the room. Like in Pride and Prejudice when Elizabeth is dancing with Mr. Darcy and everyone in the room vanished.

I had never experienced when a guy looks at you and you lose every train of thought It is really is kind of magical - it is also one of the great moments to be Black, easier to hide the blushing!

Yes, its just another guy and No, I don’t even know if he is interested. But that is all okay. It is refreshing to know that the presence of another person can make you feel like a million bucks- doesn’t mean when he leaves I am less.

This guy didn’t open my eyes to love, it wasn’t that simple. The Lord softened my heart to the idea a whole year before this guys showed his face. It was good reassurance- the Lord is faithful in that area.

Harmony in it's simplest form

Have you ever looked outside your window and thought… “ You know, the leaves on the trees just don’t match, something doesn’t look right?” I can be almost certain that that has never happened and go on a limb and say that will never happen.

The Lord talks all the time about his name being glorified and His presence known by the splendor of Nature. There is a message in Nature that the Lord Himself stands for- Oneness, Unity… Harmony.

I could never, ever again see myself going to a church that is full people that look like me. Not saying I don’t love black people, because I love people. I do not, however, believe I can live life to its full potential only knowing, meeting and communing with people that look like me, or who agree with everything that I have to say or do things the same way that I do them.

God created all of the differences in people for a reason. He said himself that we all make up the body of Christ- there is a head and a foot, we can’t just have heads or just foots.

I went through a time of very hard personal struggle. I thought that I was a racist. I am very attracted to white a guy… that is just the way it has always been for me. For awhile I started to think that the reason I don’t like black guys is because deep down inside (and it wouldn’t have been that deep) I was racist against black guys. This upset me, a lot. I know what it’s like to be shunned because of my race, gender, age. I was upset that I was contributing to that kind of blatant hate.

As I was praying and thinking about this, the Lord opened my heart to a new way of thinking. Maybe He created me in a way that I am naturally attracted to people of different races. That is not a bad thing, it’s a quality that the Lord has given me and hopefully, for my future children’s sake, there is a guy out there who God created the same way.. lol

But as we were talking about the Unity and Harmony of Christ and the way He created things and us. There is something that is so Divine about a biracial couple. Two people usually different backgrounds, different families and different experiences coming together in the Sanctification of Marriage. There is nothing more beautiful to me then holding that hand of someone whose hand looks a little different.

This is Harmony in it’s simplest form.

If you have not experienced this, please just go hold that hand of some with different pigmentation than yours- it enters you into a different world.

Harmony is only possible with the true presence of the Holy Spirit. Something our fallen world, with it's fallen people, cannot create on its own.

Church Mingling

Yesterday I decided to visit a church that I promised to visit about two years ago.. I figure it’s never too late to follow through on a promise.

The First Congregational Church. This is a church like I have never seen before. When I first walked in the door a man by the name of Mark welcomed me and asked me if I wanted a name tag! (Simple, but that makes things much easier and it helps you remember people’s name- I did walk around with a name tag on all day because I forgot, but whatever!)

The church was had an ocean like back drop and ocean like sheets on the floor in a path between the two podiums. In the middle of the path was this wonderfully crafted wooden table that said… “Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave,e free; but Christ is all, and in all.”, the Scripture from Colossians 3. As I was looking for a seat in this uniquely arranged room of chairs, when a black lady that is dressed in an robe that matches the path on the floor and the back drop of the church walks up to me and says, “ Is this your first time with us?” Of course it was and it obviously looked like it!

She introduced herself as the Pastor of church and introduced me to some people and they asked me to sit with them. It was a very, very strange meeting, well to me. I was scared to walk in at first because there were A LOT of old white people and they had “Sunday Dress” on. I had on blue jeans and long sleeved shrist, but when I got inside I noticed that the congregation was very mixed racially and in dress, including many gay couples.

I was sure once the lady got up I was going to be in something like a colt…

They had a scripture reading and the other Pastor, who was also a women, but white, got up and gave a message about giving; it was smooth and it was true.

The thing that I love most about this church was the spirit was so Zin, which I’m not sure that is the word I should use to describe a church. However, there was a huge since of community. They did a lot of things for Memphis and a lot of stuff for the people of the church. People can be so worried about the City their church is in that they forget to feed and care for the people of the church. You have to have balance to do either one effectively.

I am not sure how I feel about women Pastors. This is something that I have been struggling with for a very, very long time. I do not know where I stand on it. Do I think women will to Hell for teaching The Word of God…NO. There are a lot of things that we incorrectly that we will not go to Hell for, only by the grace of God. I also do not know where their stance is on Homosexuality. I do not think that is right, but I do not think we should shun Homosexuality either. We are suppose to be loving and accepting- not of the sin but of the person. Loving and caring for them as we would anyone else.

We need to be at a place where we understand people who are different from us, that way we can pray for them in the most effective way and then let the Lord take care of the rest. He did not ask us to judge, he did not ask us to condemn, but to only show His love- He will take care of the rest. I believe I will visit this church again, I believe there is a lot that could be learned through creating relationships with this congregation.

Would you pay for a Prostitute

If you don’t know, I am a person passionate about injustice. I believe that I and people like me can change the world- following the will of the Lord, “The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.” Prb 29…and it is God’s will that we become the righteousness of Christ, that is why He died for us.

That was a little rant… that someone needed to hear!! Lol

One injustice that after I heard about was ingrained in my thoughts was Human Trafficking. Human Trafficking it the selling and moving of people for profit or gain, it is modern day slavery. One major from of trafficking is Prostitution. Yes, it happens everywhere, down the street from you, down the street from me and through every countries airport.

I am working with an organization called Operation Broken Silence, which to me is one (if not) the best nonprof ever. Ha, but I am a little bias. We have three focus areas: Modern day slavery, Genocide and the Water Crisis. S.A.F.E , Slavery Abolition Freedom Endeavor , is conducting an research, collecting data to get an idea of the of the amount of prostitution…or “escorting ” services here in Memphis and the amount of people traveling to Memphis for the purpose of prostitution.

This study will create a number for Memphians that will show that this is something that is happening right here, right now. To do this study the information is documented from a website. Date of the posting, phone number, advertised name and age and an ID number given to the poster…like an ID number of an item on Ebay. Each person involved in the study is give a day to collect post and document them on a doc sheet to keep the information together.

My day there is a lady name Brooke, whether that is her real name is debatable, but that’s all I got. Brooke is a heavy set women and very beautiful. I remember the first time I went to gather her information- I was sadden by her beauty and her line of business. I think about the say that bigger women can sometime be treated and how that could have them feel and I wonder, “ Is that the reason she is in this business?” It is quite possible that the reason she is doing what she is doing is because she wasn’t told she was beautiful or good enough for something better by the people around her.

As the weeks went on she continued to post and I would continue to think about her all the time. I would pray for her while I was driving, while I was lying in bed- thinking of the horrible things she might be going through right then- in my neighborhood, Wolfchase/ Germantown.

Then one day I get on to collect information and she wasn’t there. I tried not to think about it but the next week the same thing. I have just about driven myself insane thinking about the things that could have happened to her. Maybe she was beaten to death, or she as killed by one of her costumers. Or maybe she wasn’t an independent worker and her pimp has done something to her. Maybe she ended up in Jail. Maybe she got out of that horrible situation.

Every day I pray for her and sometimes I wish that I had 200 dollars and was able to act upon the urge, that I had more than once, for an hour to tell her she is beautiful and that I love her. That there is hope and even though it doesn’t look like it- God is always there, always watching and always working.

Remember, in this business there things are not as they seem. Remember to pray for the things that go on in our city and in our world that are wrong- Remember the people who need your prayers.

Death Face to Face

I was driving in the car today and I almost missed my exit… well I thought I almost missed my exit. So I made a quick exit and did I mention it was raining? Well it was and it was obviously too quick of an exit because for the first time in my life I lost control of my car.

When it was happening I was very glad that I paid attention during that drivers education classes in the 9th grade and turned with the car not against it… or were you suppose to turn against? I don’t really know, but I turned with and the car came to a complete stop in the middle of the exit facing the wrong way.

This is not what I would call a slow traffic area, even though it was late, it was on the way to the airport. No cars. None, no cars were coming at me. I, of course, turn the car and went on my way.

The reason why this was strange to me is because even though this was the first time this had ever happened to me and I wasn’t scared. When I had turned the car around I said, “Thank you Jesus.”, in a calmly manner and kept going. Then as I continued on my journey I realized I really almost died, and I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t even shaking, yes I stopped and looked at my hands to check- even I was confused.

Why? Then I realized that I know where I would be going if I were to pass away. If it was really my time to go, which it wasn’t right then. “To live is Christ, and to die is gain”

Now trust me, I know I have a lot to learn in this life time- which again is why I am still here, only by the grace of God. However, I know who my Father is and I know for which side I am fighting.

The Lord has work for me to be doing here and I am so blessed to have found my calling and my purpose here on earth. If you were looking death in the face, could you look back without fear?

Expectation

When we grow up as children we are told that we can do anything. We have dreams and hopes and expectations. Before school we have an imagination that could save that world in one night. As we get older and we go to school a whole new set of expectations are put on us. We are averaged and scaled according to our “ability”.

Over time the world view of teachers and bosses… friends are infringed on us and we become callused and sucked into this idea of “what things are suppose to be”. Sometimes…most of the time people become lost in this world where all you focus on is what we have, what fun we can have with it and we lost ourselves in the flow of things.

Have you ever taken time to just sit back and think about who you are really are? What you really care about? What you believed before the world told you it was impossible?

Instead in most cases we keep searching for things that will get rid of that void that we feeling of insignificance, and many times people get stuck in that search: addictions, bad relationships… life ending situations.

When all we are doing is losing ourselves again… just in a different way…

Look out from your life and you will see that the thing that you are looking for, the feeling that you are chasing is much, much bigger than you. It’s the things around us, it’s the people God puts in our lives, it’s the chance to save the world- the feeling that after a long life of cynicism and dark worldviews has been killed and dismissed.

Don’t believe me? Think about the people who have lived a life of happiness, of joy; the people who are not chasing. What is different about them and you? They are seeking ways to change something that has been wronged or maybe just notice the girl they met that has low self esteem or helped someone find purpose- in turn finding their purpose.

What exactly do you have to lose if you have already lost yourself?

Be like the moon, reflect the Son

Lately I have been really busy- as you can probably tell, I up dated more when I was at camp than I have since I have been home. I started working with this apartment complex. I give 60-80 hours of volunteer time a month and they will pay for me to live at the complex. This is one of the biggest complexes in Memphis. The people...are okay and the attendants, people who live there, are busy- like the rest of the world. To me, October has been the busiest month ever- I will dread this time next year.

There have been a lot of things that happened this month that have been great and others that have not been so great... The good things have been BIG and the bad things have been fairly small- but there have been a good number of the small... haha

The complex is volunteer, but it is also a ministry started by my sister church. The purpose from the church prospective is outreach, which is right up my ally. I believe in out reach and I believed in this Ministry. I had prayed about it and I believed this was where the Lord wanted me.

Now that I am here I am starting to question motives and seriousness of this "ministry". I have since learned that the Apartment complex uses the service of the church member just to have events and to make themselves look good. Not surprising, that is the way that business works and it’s not like we, as a church, are not benefiting as well.

Then we get to the church. The church has decided that this form of outreach is not “good enough” and they would like to have other forms of outreach. If you know me, you know that I do not think there could be enough outreach in the world. And I think that a church should have more than one form of outreach, including something to do with the Global community. I am not, however, a person that is okay with just dropping a ministry for “something better”. I like to finish things through, I like to make sure that when I am done with something, anything, it is better than before and the Lord is happy with the way that it was handled and completed. Many times I believe that people forget that God has an order to the way He wants things done for Him. Being a Christian is a full time job, with struggles and benefits; so often people only want the benefits.

I read a quote…somewhere... that stated everything we go through in life is transforming us into the likeness of Christ- something we got through for his name sake. So if you walk away from something that you know the Lord wants you to do, or something He did not give you permission to walk away from, you are really walking away from the opportunity to be transformed into His likeness. “God , I like You, but you’re not worth all that…”

“One of the reasons we are not as Christ- centered and cross saturated as we should be is that we have not realized that everything- everything good and everything that turns out for good of His redeemed children- was purchased with by the death of Christ for her.”
John Piper Don’t Waste your Life

So yes, I know what you’re thinking, or at least if I were you what I would be thinking. That quote applies to you too, yea it’s hard- but why are you complaining. I needed to vent and trust me, I know that the things that I am involved in right now are hard because I am actively doing God’s work and being transformed to the likeness if the Son. Which I was warned is like Iron sharpening Iron and Glass going through the shaping fire.

Don’t forget to check the Mirror sometimes- Are you reflecting Greatness?